12-13-14

I'm exhausted. the birthday is over.

we finally fell asleep in our toddler bed. yeah, it was kinda close to 12:30 once Rae was finally tuckered out, but we made it.  and considering the fact she had 2 cupcakes, ice cream, pizza and an unfathomable amount of icing that Mamo gave her--I'm grateful.  the crib has been lovingly half disassembled in into my bedroom taking up an ungodly amount of floorspace next to my (no longer working) purple Christmas tree.

sugar crash

the kid usually doesn't get a lot of refined sugar.  our first "candy" experience was halloween this year so, as expected, the sugar had a crack-esque impact on my daughter.  she was wide-eyed and going full throttle at 11pm.  and she was sure to make a dirty diaper that was nightmarish before she fell asleep.

it's amazing. my day was rushed around, picking up cakes and finishing wrapping gifts.  letting zane blow up balloons and decorate for a birthday sadly my child will never remember.  I went all out. cheap pink table cloth. little pink streamer things and tons of balloons (I ain't no Pinterest mom, okay.)

but this one was for me.  getting to see her try to blow out the candles.  watching zane play violin for her birthday song.  seeing her rip pink wrapping paper to shreds and gasp at every single new little person she got to add to her army.

and the whole day didn't go perfectly. which is okay.  I didn't get my peanuts cake (damn you copyright laws), and Rae didn't have a special birthday outfit.  she didn't sit and get pictures made with everyone. 

who can choose between CUPCAKES && PIZZA???

but we owned it as a McCue birthday. we had pizza, and chips and a 30 piece set of little plastic pieces of fruits and vegetables.  zane played little big planet, and his bio-mom C was lucky enough to able to come up and join the festivities.  

I stood in my kitchen, and surveyed the dining room and living room from afar, watching Zane play video games as both his half sisters played in the floor together with a sea of little people.  I watched my mother, trin, bio-mom C and her mother talk and joke about Game of Thrones and headstands.  

I see half-sister V hand a toy to Rae as they play in the floor.  I can't help but feel happy.  I can't help but smile just because of the normalcy that the whole situation exudes. 

because it's not what you would imagine.  it's not the Norman Rockwell painting that I used to pine over.

earlier in the evening Mamo and C and C's mom have a conversation about dating men with kids. how hard it is to come in to a family that already exists.  and how they didn't think they could ever do it. 

"I didn't think i would date a man that had kids either, but then I met trin."

but that's not the end of if it. I met trin, but then I met Spider Zane.  and then I met bio-mom C.  I knew what I was getting myself into.  and I have no regrets.  

you can't just buy the milk, or the cow on that one.. you have to buy the whole damn farm. 

and here is my little partially organic family. eating junk food and staying up too late.

Rae gives V a hug and waves "bye-bye" as they leave.  standing proud in her new hello kitty nightgown her great gran bought her.. 

I couldn't change a thing.