Beautiful

My world is beautiful.

It isn't perfect. And sometimes, nothing sounds better to me than a vacation from my life. Do you ever feel like that? You just want to leave everything behind for a couple days. Your stress. Your anxiety. Your depression. Your anger. Your bills. Your responsibility. Just leave them where they are, and fly away to some place where no one knows your face or your name.

I've been in a ridiculous amount of pain lately. Some health issues came up, and slammed my life to a grinding halt. I'm starting to recover now, but the past few months have felt like a test.
How much can you handle, K?

The answer?

I'll manage. No matter what life decides to toss into my gauntlet, I will get by. In fact, I'm determined to flourish.

I could sit here and go on forever about how hard life has been, especially lately. I could moan, and complain.

Or, I can listen, and hear my beautiful girl singing in the next room. I can go back to my shelf garden in our laundry room and take in the scent of dirt, and see things growing because I've lovingly tended to them. I can stand outside and feel the crisp, just barely spring air against my freshly washed face. I can smell the rebirth of nature, unfolding around me in my quiet Kentucky hometown.

I can always find the beautiful. 

Because, I look for it.

That isn't the easy path. Attempting to be positive and loving is a constant struggle, one I have failed at so many times. But honestly, it's been the best medicine I've tried.

I have to laugh, when I hear someone say that somehow, optimism is this giant flaw, that it makes one weak. I want to laugh, a hard, deep belly laugh. Weakness? Optimism helped me overcome cancer. Staying positive gave me patience, and patience gave me a child. I am rock hard, with a huge heart. It's been broken, stomped on, brushed aside, ignored, mocked.... but it's beating. And it's beautiful. All the times I've had to pick up the pieces and put them back together have created something amazing. There's no other heart in this world quite like mine.

I have wanted to give up so many times. But I keep waking up, and I keep breathing, so obviously there are still magical things in store for me and this odd heart of mine.

Roni just asked to play outside with me for a bit. She has a twinkle in her eyes, and it makes me wonder if they really are a reflection of mine. Do people see the beauty in me, like I see in others? I don't think I even care. My daughter sees something beautiful in me, and she reminds me every day. Not just with her words, but her actions. She loves me, and that makes me beautiful.

My whole world is beautiful. I am strong enough to make it beautiful, and kind enough to want others to find beauty too. Maybe that's why I find beauty. Because I love. It's hard to really have one without the other. So, my wish for you, sweet reader, is that you can always find the beauty, and that you will learn how to really love, starting with yourself.

Make your world beautiful.