my alternate timeline

i drove to work today.  which is a huge accomplishment (applauds).

i'm in what i would consider my sad bitch phase.  which means i'm listening to a lot of Bjork, Robyn, Nico or any other female vocalist that relates to my grumpy and melodramatic mood.  so, naturally, i plug in my iPhone and sing at the top of my lungs (ignoring all if any staring people on SR 256).
and if you know me, I have a horrible singing voice, terrible terrible.  but i love to sing.  i have always loved to sing, but i swear to god i sound like a dying goat.

and i remembered being a child, no more than the age of 6 sitting on the yellow shag carpet of my bedroom.  i had positioned myself strategically between the side of my bed, and my large Barbie Dreamhouse to where you could not see me if you opened my bedroom door.  there I sat, secretly with a giant pink microphone, one of those ones that makes the echo-ey sounds when you talk into them.  and there i sang.  for what seemed like ages, and i convinced myself that i was going to be a country singer.  I sang Fancy by Reba McEntire on repeat (well, i just lost my music credibility).  and i had it all planned out.  i was going to set the world aflame with my amazing country vocals.

obviously that never materialized, so by the age of 9 i was determined i was going to be a zookeeper and go to college at the University of Kentucky because my dad loved their basketball team.  i wrote a book called How Leo the Lion got His Courage and detailed my plans on the final page in the biography section.

punk rock historian.

that didn't work out either.  by the time college rolled around i was going to be a historian.  because you know what? history is pretty damn cool and i placed amazingly high on all my AP history tests in high school.  but then i realized i would have to be a teacher, and having to live my entire life in high school seemed like an utter nightmare (i barely made it 4 years, i could not imagine making it a career).

then i was going to be a psychologist.  because, well the first part of realizing you have mental illnesses is to learn everything about them.  but a little known fact about getting advanced degrees in psychology is that there is a shit-ton of math involved.  i bowed out.

so, i scrapped together what history courses and psychology courses i had, and turned it into this well-rounded degree called Bachelors in the Arts of Social Sciences which is pretty cool.  I got to pick and choose what social science classes I wanted to take and i got a degree to go with it.  I honestly can't complain, I did after all take a class on the Comic Book, American Film History, and Human Sexuality, oh, and Alternative Religions and Cults.

social science indie queen

So, finally grown up with my degree, my idea was to enter the public sector and work for the government.

which is what brings me here.  all of this above, all of those goals, and desires and wishes never came to be.  i didn't end up being a zookeeper, country singer, historian, psychologist or an ESL teacher (English as a second language, I wanted to move to Japan).

I work and make a pretty damn good living doing something i never expected i was going to do.

and overall I should be happy.  When i moved to Columbus, all i had was a crappy couch, and a crappy bed, some book shelves and a TV.  I am proud to say I now have too much furniture and an awesome washer and dryer from the 70's.

but that's not what i imagined when i grew up.  i never thought about having to pay to get the ignition-starter replaced in your car so you can make it to work (damn you VW).  i never thought i'd sit in the grocery isle and debate on the difference between name brand and generic beans.  i never thought about remembering to put your pants in the dryer before you go to work so you dont have wet pants..

mother, fiancee, retail sales queen

but that's what it is.  most of our lofty plans will never come into fruition.  I'll never teach english in Japan, or make sure the giraffes are taken care of at the zoo.  i'll do other things like rescue a Japanese Chin, and enroll my daughter in gymnastics so she'll stop doing flips on the couch.

i'll plan a birthday party this weekend for my (almost 2 year old daughter) and pick out yellow tu-tus to match her Woodstock and Peanuts gang cake.

i'll do much more.

i'll overcome depression and laugh about the time i thought i had a blood-clot in my foot and had to go to the emergency room (I had a sprained ankle).


i'll plan a hodge-podge of a wedding for trin and i and let him take my last name.
because Trinity McCue sounds pretty bad ass.

we will take the kids to Disney World, and hopefully some day I can take Zane to Japan.

i don't normally like covers, but this is such a beautiful version of the Fever Ray song.

but i'm not done growing up.  i still have so many plans.