Midwife Madness: A Birth Story

*disclaimer-- the names of the health care workers (midwives/doctors) involved have been changed*

From the moment I looked down at that little plus sign on the 'pee stick' I knew in my heart that I was going to do things a little differently.

Just 3 short months after a devastating loss of my first pregnancy I was shocked to find out I was pregnant again. My first little baby's heart stopped beating at 7 weeks, but my body didn't know it until I was 11 weeks along. I ended up having to be hospitalized and then having surgery. It was an ordeal I wouldn't wish on anyone. The numbness of all of that had only just subsided but like they tell you in school, 'it only takes one time'. 

So, here I am. Sitting in the bathroom looking down at the pregnancy test, eyes wide, mouth dropped. I only took it after being 5 days late. I honestly thought maybe the miscarriage was still messing with my body. I really wasn't expecting that plus sign.

Yet there it was!  

Being newly pregnant after just having lost a baby, I was riddled with anxiety. I called a OBGYN as soon as I could. They scheduled me an appointment as soon as possible. Meanwhile I busied myself with my full time job. At that time I worked with adults with traumatic brain injuries, and I loved it. However, I began to get morning sickness right away. I mean every day I woke up gagging & puking. Not only that, but I was afraid to lift the clients out of the wheelchairs, for fear of hurting the baby. So I reluctantly had to tell work right away. Luckily, they were pretty awesome about it. 

At the first appointment I saw my little peanut on the screen. I held my breath for a heartbeat... And there it was! Amazing and beautiful! (and something I never got to hear from the first pregnancy). I was scheduled to come back in 5-6 weeks so Dr. G could make sure everything was all right. I wasn't 'out of the woods' yet because my miscarriage was still just months before. 

Fast forward to our 12 week check up. My blood pressure was up in the triple digits. I couldn't sit still. Every inch of me buzzed with anxiety. I struggled to hold back tears. I stared straight ahead of me. My mother on one side & S. on the other. We waited. All I could think about was at 11 weeks I found out my other baby had died... FINALLY we go back to the ultrasound room and Dr. G loads up the big screen on the wall connected to her machine. There, pops up the tiniest little human I've ever seen and it waves at us! Like the baby is telling us "I'm ok guys, don't worry". Baby has a strong heartbeat and looks fantastic. 

Now here comes the "different part". 

After seeing that my gorgeous baby was doing well, I decided to go fourth with my plan of hiring a midwife, in the hopes of having a home birth.  As you can imagine the small oh/ky/wv tri-state area doesn't have much information on midwives. Through word of mouth and a few people I knew, I found a small group of midwives that catered to the tri-state. I scheduled my first meeting with them to talk and basically find out what all they do.

The "main midwife" I contacted was Sarah. She also brought along a doula, Lacy, and a former labor and delivery nurse who was becoming a midwife, Jane. Sarah asked me if all these ladies could come before they had arrived. They came to the house and went over what we would do. We'd meet once a month until it got closer to the due date, then we'd meet more often. We would check my weight, urine and iron each time. I discussed a birthing pool and all the things I wanted in a birth. The most appealing thing to me about a home birth was the fact I got to make my own choices. I knew of some things I wanted for certain: No pacifiers or bottles what so ever, skin to skin contact right away & don't wipe off the baby, letting the baby nurse right away and delayed cord clamping. 

I felt really good about this choice and told them I wanted to have a home birth and for them to attend it. Everyone was very happy! I did however explain I would continue to see my OBGYN through out the pregnancy just because I felt like that would be best for me & my anxiety. I was constantly worried something would happen to this baby. They were very understanding.

The rest of the pregnancy was pretty normal. I got huge. I had an anatomy scan and found out we were having a girl! I had 2 amazing baby showers. My health stayed great, other then a slightly low iron level. Which I was able to bring up with eating healthy & taking herbal supplements. I had several ultrasounds through the OBGYN, many of them said baby girl was measuring ahead 2-3 weeks. However, the midwives would measure my stomach & said that the ultrasounds could be off by several pounds. My doula had to quit coming due to other commitments. So, Sarah asked if she could bring another midwife to our appointments, Karen, and I agreed. All in all I feel like I had a pretty easy pregnancy. 

June 9th, 2014 - It's Monday & the contractions have started! I am 1 week away from my due date & soooo excited! The contractions get around 1 hour to 30 minutes apart and don't change. We call the midwives and Jane comes over to check me later that day. She explains that I am dilated 1-2, but to just get some rest and relax because it could still be a couple days. That night I sleep maybe 2-3 hours, and it's not for lack of trying. As soon as the sun goes down my body thinks it's time to kick these contractions up a notch. I am in and out of the bathtub all night long. I entertain myself by watching "The Business of being Born". 

June 10th, 2014 through June 13th, 2014 - Tuesday through Friday are pretty much the same. My contractions are strong as hell, but they won't get any closer then 20 minutes apart. At this time the whole family is feeling the fatigue. The dogs & S. have all been up and down with me through out the nights. I'm running on about 5 or 6 hours sleep total and I'm beyond exhausted. Through out the week I have tried everything I can think of to speed up this process. I have been outside walking around in the yard, I rode on a riding lawn mower, took many baths, walked up and down the stairs, bounced on a birthing ball and more! Nothing was helping, but it did seem to entertain S. and my mom. (Who was missing work to be with me) 

Around 2 am, Saturday morning I am sitting in a hot bath hunched over with the pain of a thousand needles stabbing into every inch of my abdomen. I have my trusty contraction counting app up on my smartphone. As I'm trying to touch the button to count every last nasty contraction I feel vibrate my body, I notice they're getting closer together. I yell for S. to come check. He takes over the counting app and sure enough we have finally reached 5-10 minutes apart! Woooah yeah! I am finally in 'active labor'.

I am still in disbelief. Surely I'm not about to have this baby for real now?! S. takes the phone and calls Sarah. She says she'll call the other ladies and be there soon. S. asks if he should go ahead and fill up the birthing pool & she says go for it. (He blew it up earlier in the week, us being optimistic and all) S. then calls my mom to let her know it's finally time. She doesn't hesitate to head out the door. 

A short while later my mother & the 3 midwives show up. S. and I had set up a section of the room with everything the midwives would need, earlier in the week. They asked us to supply towels, blankets, etc.  Then they brought in things like oxygen, gloves, medications and emergency tools. We set it all upon a shelf for quick access. 

Once the midwives are here, it's all crashing down on me how real this is. I'm about to have a baby. I'm about to go through what some women call the worst pain they've ever felt. I'm about to meet my baby. I'm about to be a mommy..... The last thought repeating over and over.

With that thought in my head I would try to remain strong. 

S. has spent the last few hours filling the birthing pool with hot water. The midwives add a mixture of herbs & peroxide. The water turns a rosy color from the mixture. The warmth is calling my name. Even after 5 days in a bath tub, I can not wait to plunge my aching body into this water. I strip to just my bra. S. on one side & my mom on the other, they help me get my huge pregnant self into the pool. 

I submerge my body and let the warmth fill every part of me. I feel a contraction coming on, but the heat of the water is calming it, but only slightly. As the contraction builds I feel the wave of pain start from my toes, creep up my legs, radiate through my abdomen, cross to my chest and rest at my head. My fists and teeth clench up before I have time to counteract it. As my body is vibrating with the strength of the contraction I remind myself to relax. Relax. Relax. It'll help. I start with my toes. I don't let them curl up. I imagine every muscle relaxing. I go up to my knees, thighs, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, fingers, mouth, nose, eyes.... I try my best to stay relaxed. Meanwhile, a sound that I am unaware of is hailing from deep within my gut. It roars into my chest and out of my mouth. I sound like an animal. It's surprising, even to me.

I stay in the birthing pool for hours. The midwives use a doppler to check baby girl's heart rate. It sounds amazing & strong every time. The midwives, my mom & S. all bring snacks & encourage me to eat, to keep up my sugar. I don't feel much like eating. They all bring me water and I drink. Jane rubs my shoulders and tells me I'm doing an amazing job. Sarah says encouraging things too. Karen, whom I'm not too close to, seems to sit to the side & write down my stats when they're taken. 

Staying hydrated! Since I wasn't getting iv fluids I had to make sure to keep drinking water.

Wave after crashing wave of contractions hit my tired body. The last smidge of energy I have is being exerted in every way possible. I bow my head and grab the edge of the birthing pool with the waves. Releasing & relaxing as the grip of the contractions let go. I have love and support all around me. I am doing this. I am actually going through a non medicated labor! The midwives check my progress after I get a sudden urge to get out of my watery cocoon. I'm progressing but not fast enough for my liking. I put on my night gown & pace around the room. I rock back and fourth with the waves. I lean against the bed as S. pushes my hips & rubs my back. I sit on the birthing ball & rock & bounce. We all try to keep a calm and happy atmosphere. But I can feel the last bits of my energy slowly slipping away. 

I decide to get onto the bed & rest on my hands & knees. Sarah checks me & tells me it's time to push!! A rush of excitement & new found energy surge through out my body. This is it. With those animalistic sounds escaping my mouth, I push with all my might. I scrounge up every bit of energy I can, and I push. I push and I push. 20-30 minutes later there is no progress. The midwives instruct me to lay back, so they can check me. To their surprise I am not dilated as far as they originally thought. Sarah seems a little shocked. Jane tells me I'm only a 7-8, NOT 10 and definitely not ready to push. The pushing has actually caused some swelling (and more pain) in my cervix. I'm instructed to try to relax and let my body take control. Try to relax?!

I get up, pace & decide to get back into the pool. I'm a little stunned. I'm upset and crying at this point. How could they not know I wasn't ready to push? Sarah is gathering herbs and telling me to take them. They're to help with the swelling, but they taste awful. I'm in pain & tired & all I can think to say is "take me to the hospital NOW! I am done!" I look up between my contractions and see tears running down Sarah's cheeks. Now, I am not an insensitive person by any means but I believe my exact words were "Is she crying!?" I couldn't believe it. The main person I had put my trust into seemed to be crumbling under the pressure right in front of my eyes. She stated she "just knew how I felt." I  was at a loss of words. She's falling apart! How can she be falling apart? Luckily Jane at that point took over & remained calm & together for me. *thank goodness for her*

I can't take it. I'm screaming "Get me out of here! Take me to the hospital! Get me a knife & I'll cut this baby out myself". I'm upset that things are going this way. I don't know what else to do. My mom is holding it together & staying strong for me. Reassuring me that I'm ok. Jane is rubbing my arms & telling me I can do this. I don't know where Karen went. S. jumps into the pool with me. He rubs my shoulders, hugs me and tells me how awesome I've been doing. I'm crying and I can't stop. It's not the pain, it's frustration spilling out of my eyes. S. takes his hands and puts them on my face and says "tell me when you're not in the middle of a contraction & upset, that you want to go to the hospital and we will." He knew how bad I wanted this. He didn't want me to regret any decision I made in the heat of the moment. 

"I'm ready to go to the hospital, please."

I popped up out of the pool, looked at the midwives & said "I'm sorry, but I'm leaving. I have to." The next few moments are a blur. I continue to tell everyone I'm sorry for the change of plans. My mom helps me dress, while S. is preparing to empty the pool. I don't have any sort of hospital bag packed (because I didn't want or expect to go) but luckily I had already packed a diaper bag. I asked S. to grab it before we head out the door. All I can think about in the car is 'don't have this baby here, don't have this baby here'. S. calls his mom, D., who works at the hospital's NICU and let's her know we're on our way. 

Finally at the hospital, S. drops me and my mom off at the entrance. I stumble into the doors, doubled over and I'm letting my animalistic sounds still escape. I'm trying to answer the receptionist questions but all I can remember getting out is "I've been in labor for 16 hours, please help." Someone with a wheelchair finally shows up. I sit down & notice another patient staring & cringing at me with every contraction.

The journey to the room seems long, yet fast. Once I'm in there a gang of nurses greets me. My midwife, Jane, had called them to let them know we were coming. D. meets us there also. Still a blur of bodies swarming around me. Someone is helping me undress & someone is bringing me a gown. I lay back on the bed and it feels like there's chaos all around me. All I can think is that I want to go to sleep. Someone stop this nightmare.

Once I'm in the bed, a nurse draws my blood and places an iv catheter. About 20 minutes pass when they introduce the anesthesiologist. I'm feeling the immense waves of a contraction when I look up to see him. I force the pain down my throat and back down to my abdomen, then ask "Have you done this before?" He kind of giggles, which makes me smile too. I didn't want these medications. I spent 9 months of pregnancy hating them. But here & now, I will welcome them with open arms.

The doc explains that he will do a spinal block first. It's faster acting then an epidural, but will only last for 2 hours. This way if I'm actually ready to deliver right now, I'll have some relief. I sit at the edge of the bed. My mom, mother in law & S. are all by my sides. S. watches as the doc does his magic with inserting a huge needle into my spine. I don't even feel the pinch because the contractions are tremendous and I'm exhausted beyond belief. I just keep replaying all the horror stories over and over in my head. One of the reasons I didn't want anything in my spine & chose a home birth. Things can (and do) go wrong. Before I knew it, it was over. 

As I lay back onto my bed, I feel the numbness spreading. Unlike with an epidural, I can move my legs. I lay back and relax, finally. Now I'm just waiting to see my doctor. Dr. Q comes in and introduces himself. He's not the OBGYN I saw through out the pregnancy but he's on call tonight & said he'd be happy to deliver my baby. He seems very calm and collected. I feel confident I'll be in good hands. He checks me. I'm only dilated 7, so there's still a little ways to go.

Once everyone is relaxed and the madness dies down, one of the delivery nurses comes in and talks to me. She says that she understands I'm probably disappointed about not having my home birth, but they want to try to make this environment as comfortable for me as possible. Shes asks me a series of questions I'm a little stunned by. Do you want to do skin to skin? Yes. You're breastfeeding right? So no bottles. Yeah. Do you want to do delayed cord clamping? Yes. Do you want to take home the placenta? (something I had considered before) No thank you. She said she'd make sure the doc knew and that I should try to take a nap.

Just a little oxygen to keep up my levels.

D.,  has left the room because technically she's working. She reassured me she'd be back later. We turn down the lights. S. makes a spot on the floor & falls asleep. My mom is resting in a chair beside me, I'm not sure if she's sleeping. I keep closing my eyes. Letting myself relax and trying to forget my anxieties. I feel like I might be dozing off a little but I'm not sure. I listen to the rhythmic beat of my daughter's heart, letting my body and mind ease into calmness. We're going to be okay. 

The spinal block wears off & the nurse asks me if I would like to try to go all natural again. I politely decline. So the doc comes back to place the epidural. He's still in good spirits and now that I'm not in pain I can hold a conversation. The epidural gets all set up and he leaves. I'm nervous as hell to have this medication running into my spine, but I know it's for the best. The nurse comes in and checks on me. After a couple hours they ask if I want a little bit of pitocin to help my labor along. I agree. I'm ready to meet my daughter. I sit in various positions to help further my progress.

We all relax and rest more. As the time ticks on, it's now Father's Day. I've been going through this for days & I just want to meet my daughter. The nurse comes in and checks me. I've now been here 6 hours. She cheers "You're a 10!" She then instructs me that we'll try a practice push before Dr. Q comes back in. I get wiggled into position, with help, I can't feel my legs at all. I push and she says "oh my there's the head let me get the doctor." 

Finally. THIS is it. 

Dr. Q comes into the room and announces it's time to have a baby. Everyone is awake and ready to meet our girl. D. gets to be in there for her birth as well. She's actually going to be the nurse he hands her off to. Dr. Q tells me to push & I push. Even though every inch of me below my chest is numb, I know my pushing is getting us somewhere. Everyone is cheering and chanting "push!" I zone out and hear nothing. This is it. I'm doing it! 

10-15 minutes of pushing and out she comes! This slimy little bundle is placed on my chest and all I can do is cry. D. sucks her mouth out and she screams, a beautiful cry. I'm so overwhelmed with joy it takes me a little while before I realize the doc is still down there. I needed stitches. Oh dear. 

So here she is. Baby E. She's beautiful and amazing and owns my heart. I realize she's on my gown and cry "I want to be skin to skin". My mom and D. both unbutton my gown and I snuggle her onto my chest. Within minutes she's already nursing. She's perfect and knows exactly what to do. After we spend some time bonding and snuggling, it's time to wipe her off a bit and weigh her. D. sets her down on the scale and to our amazement it reads 9lbs 9.5ounces. The she checks her length. She's 21 1/2 inches long! She's a big healthy girl! 

I can't even put into words exactly how I felt during the moments after I met her. I thought I knew love before, but nothing could prepare me for this.

I am a mommy.