wake, grind, repeat (flow of conscious writing)

my days are starting to run in to each other. in retrospect, I think they always do. life just seems gain this one tempo and hit repeat. there is always a comfort in the familiar, but it seems sad to me.

wake up, go to work, come home, sleep.

and it's not even the routine within the day, but the routine within the activities as well.  it's grinding. and maybe that's why they call it "work-grind" and "family-grind" because there is always a constant. always a repetition. 

and therapy has always taught me that routine is good.  but I hate the routine. I want it faster, or different--something to break it up. 

the whole idea of my days melting in to one and other makes me dizzy.  where did this time go?

I can put it in chapters and pay days, concerts and trips to my hometown, but what's so different from Monday to Tuesday..when it all feels the same?

coffee

children

work

dinner 

it's the same everyday.  more expectations. less pay. more time, less identity. 

yeah, I love my washer and dryer but what if I had to take the time to hand wash my clothes? would I be a better person? would I be more grounded?

maybe I should learn the Dewey decimal system, instead of googling something. 

"half the horizon's gone for a skyline of numbers, half the horizon's gone working the numbers."

till' I'm sick. 

"you're tired"

I don't want numbers, and I'm sorry I bought the iPhone 6.  what's worth it in this society. you make scratch to live, and everyone wants your scratch. 

to eat

to learn

to live

to travel

everyone is pulling you in a way to spend.  so you can have that one good outing a month or paycheck.

it's all you can eat crab legs. get your fill