household noises

as I've stated before, my life wasn't planned to end up like this.  I was meant to have a beautiful wedding and a bungalo house with a giant oak tree in the front yard.

but this is my life.  

I sit across the room and watch my daughter cautiously poke at our new giant living room plant.  I see Zane plopped on the opposite brown couch immersed in his new 3DS. 

it's a typical day.  nothing special is going on. trin's in the kitchen making coffee and debating which of the 3 coffee creamers to use. 

and I'm focusing. I'm focusing as hard as I possibly can to live in the now.  

to block out having to buy a car for Zane, or increase my medicine's dosage. 

because this is where I want to be. I hear Wallykazam! play quietly on the tv and hear trin wrestle with coffee cups. I hear a slew of cuss words fly out from under Zane's breath as he probably gets his ass stomped at The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. 

this is the normal music my household makes.  however I know Rae is up to no good once she's quiet.  and I'm right and I see giant clumps of freshly watered soil gripped in both of her hands.  I rise from the couch and she does the first thing a toddler does when they have done something wrong. she runs.  

and she holds her two fists in front of herself and books it into the kitchen. too quick for me to grab clean-up supplies and chase behind her. 

this is a picture of my life.  an otherwise mundane shot of what my daily life looks like.  we may go get coffee, or go to a book or record store.  in the summer it may be a park, but the constant noise of the McCue household always stays the same.  

we run like clockwork, and you can tell what time of day it is solely based on our noise. 

the clanking of 7:30am coffee on Trin's workdays.  the up and down sound of Zane going up and down the stairs at 6am. 

the whines from Rae's room when she wakes up, because the child is not a morning person.  actually mornings are the worst thing ever for Rae. 

and so you hear her noise.  of crying and fussing and upset that the milk cup can't come fast enough.

you know if Trin is in a good mood because a record is spinning on the player (unless I break the needle, which I have been doing recently).  you know he's in a bad mood if his boots are still on, you hear him thump all over the house. 

you'll know it's 7pm if you hear the prep for dinner. and know it's 2pm if the house is quiet from Rae's nap.  

this is the music of my household, the buzz of the McCue family.   the sounds that hit me when I'm trying to live in the now. and it's a nice noise.  it's rarely quiet, and even when it is we somehow manage to fill the void.

we will find a way to make some noise, by playing with Arrow or chasing Rae across the room. I might put on one of my murder mystery TV shows (guilty pleasure) to create the hum of life within our drab townhome walls.

and I can close my eyes and focus on the now, focus on the here.  and then realize my daughter has her damn hands in my plants again. 

living in the moment.