Kentucky heart, California blood.

Hello all :)

Let's see.... A little about me.....

My name is Amanda, I'm 26, and the very proud mama of an amazing little boy, my Wyatt Wayne. He is 3 years old, and he is my toddler tornado. Trust, he earned that name with a devilish little grin on his face! I also have 2 kitty sons, Goonie and Franky Blue Eyes.

Wyatt is literally my whole world, wrapped up in one loud, energized, dirty, smart, super active toddler body. If it weren't for him, I would have lost my shit a long time ago...
             

Im the youngest of 6 kids, 5 girls and one boy... My poor brother.... I was born in Texas, but mainly lived in Kentucky for most of my adolescence. I had a very odd childhood (though who really had a normal one...) but I'll leave all those stories to future posts. By the time I was 13, my family packed up and moved across the country to Northern California. I've moved around a few times within NorCal since I turned 18, but I haven't left California.

Now that I have a son whose father (my ex husband) lives and works here, and a steady boyfriend who has 5 (Yes, 5. Four girls and one boy) kids and one grand-baby (no, my man isn't 60 haha, just started young) I'm definitely staying here in Northern California for the foreseeable future.

I work as a Marketing Administrator for a prominent Mortgage Broker whose corporate office is located in the next town over. I get to work closely with some awesome people and I'm very lucky to be employed by such a wonderful company.

How nice and fuckin fluffy right??

They say "looks can be deceiving", and that is definitely the case with me most of the time. On the outside, I always try to make it seem like I have everything together. Its that whole "hide your crazy and don't air your dirty laundry" thing all southern mamas try to instill in their children.... I try to stay positive and spread that around as much as I can....  But really, I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown probably 95% of the time. Its like I constantly have a million search tabs open in my mind... Literally, at all times. A million worries over things that have happened or could happen...

I've always been a worrier like that, always a big ol hot mess of anxiety. I got my first stomach ulcer in the 3rd grade.... So you'd damn near think I would be used to the stress and being physically ill because of it, but its still something I struggle with. Its hard to sleep because my mind is always racing.... It gets so bad sometimes that, after a few months of non stop worrying and hardly any sleep, I'll go a whole day where I can't hold anything down, and I always end up in the ER. A doctor recently prescribed me something that has really helped me sleep better and calmed my stomach a bit... 

So I'm hoping that maybe venting to my fellow hot-mess moms (no offense intended... I'm the biggest hot mess around) will help me relieve some of my anxiety. Make me feel not so alone in it.

My mother was recently diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis (MG), and it has definitely shaken things up a bit. She's never really been 100%, she has kinda always had bad luck when it comes to health problems. I'll explain that and MG with a bit more detail in future posts as well, I'm sure... But in a nutshell, MG is when your brain produces antibodies which attack the nerve receptors that control muscle function. Walking, talking, lifting your arms, everything... And in more extreme cases, can severely impair your ability to breathe. Of course, my mama is an extreme case. There is currently no cure. But there is ALWAYS hope!!!!! She's already had one "MG Crisis", was very close to respiratory arrest, and as a result had to be on life support in the ICU for a little less than a week. Now she is getting blood transfusions every other week... We are hoping that helps her breathe easier and enjoy her life a bit more.

I'm one of her "caregivers" so I really try to hold it all together for her. I try not to let her see how worried I am, even though I do get over protective and tend to "mother" her now and then. (DUH, Im a worrier lol!!) I mostly just crack jokes and try to make her forget about her fight for awhile.... Its hard seeing her struggle. She's such a strong woman... So we are all just trying to stay positive there as well. Put good out, get good back... I really hope that shit works!

SO.... between our gaggle of children, my anxiety issues, work, the house, money, and my mothers health, it gets very difficult to keep it all together sometimes. I'm just a mama trying to do the best she can by her son and the rest of my mixed family. I'm not perfect, by any means.... I drink, I smoke, I curse like a drunken sailor, but I'm working on it. I'm a little too blunt at times but I can never be accused of holding back or being fake, so that's something, right?

Pretty sure I only said the word "fuck" once in this post. That's progress my friends.....