for the mothers or child-less

we run like clockwork. well. we try to run like clockwork. it's the ever consuming bustle between work and orchestra, trying to squeeze a run in and a trip to the grocery store.

it's hard to find downtime, and it's easy to find consolation in the ever-drumming need to be somewhere. 

I see schedules drawn for each and every person in my family. a long list of the things we need and have to do. it's mind blowing. the holidays are coming and my to-do list is ever growing:

mom needs a gift 

the family in Cali needs a box of goodies

Zane needs a new winter jacket

yet I find solace in the never-ending drag.  proof that I am still needed. 

no one can plan out a thanksgiving feast in my family. it's my duty to determine what dishes go on and when they can kick off the burner.  

I love all of it. 

------------------------

I talk to a friend who went somewhere to find her solace--to find her spot of ultimate relaxation--just to find she couldn't step away.  she missed the grind of it all. and I can understand my best friend W. 

some people my age look down upon mothers.  they miss the days of waking up at 1 --still wearing yesterday's dark makeup, just to make a run to the local Mexican restaurant to piece together the night before's shenanigans. they say we are wasting our youth. and that we should all be some character in Sex in the City.

they say they find truth in feminism-- meaning when they think about feminism they refuse to acknowledge a woman's right to bear children, just as a woman's right not to bear children. 

they consider themselves a class above the "child-bearing" class. they don't have to worry about puke and poopy diapers. they can move freely, party on the weekends, and spend ever expansive amounts on their "fur babies." they post pictures of thier cats, but cry in outrage when someone posts a picture of thier children. 

and no I am not critiquing the Child-less or those who decide to have children. I am critizing those that decide to be critical.  those that will never be happy, with or without children, those for whom

in the most part won't have children because they are too critical to raise such an innocent human being, and are doomed to be miserable themselves.  they are out there. and they crush the souls of young women, making them question thier decisions to have or not have children.

I sit outside of work and take a long drag off my cigarette and watch the traffic go by. I watch the families. the couples. the single people go by and I watch them.

talking on their cell phones, eating a candy bar, focusing on traffic. and I realize, after all my scornful and judgemental years that people can live their own lives. 

it's not my place to judge. but it is my place to wish you all well.

but I do raise a toast. to all the mother's. 

Godspeed and goodluck.