the middle

things are decent.  well, things are better if you really put it into perspective.

but I'll never be a pinterest star, and I'll never be Martha Stewart. sadly, most days I feel like Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. 

and that just makes me feel like a terrible parent. not terrible in the "beat your kids" kinda way, but in the 5:45 wake up call, I get Zane and Rae up, grab her a go-go squeez pouch of applesauce, a graham cracker and some milk, put on a pot of coffee for myself and watch Zane eat his cereal. 

and it's fucking stressful.  it seems like the day is a never-ending juggle of moving kids from a-to-b and I'm just trying to keep my mental health in check..

but my kids will never have drawers organized by the days of the week, or have craft tables with painted mason jars organizing their tiny art supplies.  it's too much.  I'm just looking at the cost of kindermusik and not try to stroke out here.

so, what makes a good parent? honesty, I have an idea, not a full schema developed or anything. but i dont think cloud painting ceilings, and hand-made bows for rae are going to make too much of a difference (and if it does, i am screwed).

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I come home today from OSU to find a poor girl who had been stuck in a hit and run with a School bus--or so she claims.  so, I'm late picking up Zane and find him meeting me at the front porch as I pull in. I missed his dismissal and my poor fella had to walk. 

I come in to the house, with toys all over the floor and my daughter is just waking up from her nap.  she's a grumpy-gus when she wakes up, so I tote her downstairs, blanket still in hand and get her some water. She grabs the cup and runs into the living room looking for "brada" or Zane.

trinity is also waking up, wearing his new pajama pants I convinced him to buy on clearance (they are covered in crabs). I throw the whole "you're too crabby" joke at him and duck down to play in the floor with the kids. he scrambles, and looks for his glasses, and walks like a zombie into the kitchen.

Zane and I stick rae into a laundry basket and she's delighted.  i invented the best hideoutever..  we roughhouse on the floor, but after a good half hour, trin's got to go get some groceries and we divide and conquer. 

he takes rae and I have Zane. it's the easiest way. you can get more accomplished honestly. so, Zane and I sit up on the back porch and talk.  it's nice out and he curls his skinny adolescent legs underneath himself as he sits in a patio chair.  

he asks, "are you okay?"

I take a deep breath and tell him I'm good.  I'll be better, but it's not his fault and sometimes people just have these problems. 

I see a little weight lift off his shoulders and he asks when he can get a GameCube WaveBird controller.  

soon enough, Buddy.

he goes back into the house and grabs a cheese-stick out of the drawer and tells me he's ready to have vegan green bean curry for dinner. 

semi-homemade

partially organic

and what I consider good parenting.