memories and sections of my life all seemed to get tucked away at the end in the same fashion. finished with a period and moved away into a section that I call a chapter. chapters make it easy. it's not really a stopping point, but a good place to take a break from reading, and for authors, to simply move on to another point in the story.
it makes it easier to pilfer through the garb and decipher at what points I made a major change.
chapter 1
childhood and it's magical constant state of being. I grew up with a dog, a mom and a dad, no siblings and it was pretty Norman Rockwell. we lived in the suburbs (if you can call rural Kentucky a suburb). I was in cheerleading and went to Disney World twice! it was pretty amazing, yet uneventful in the idea of a good read.
chapter 2
the death of my father in my Tweens, the lost sense of family and identity. to put it strangely, I lost my father, learned Santa didn't exist and that my dog had killed my bunny years previously all in one evening. the events that occurred afterwards seem surreal. like time slowed and decided it couldn't run at the right speed anymore.
the funeral, my mother, watching her grieve and then watching her (to her best ability) create a cohesive family environment with just the two of us was hard. but we held on.
chapter 3
adolescence. which seems to take shape in the form of discovering my best friend (we will call her M) and having my first long term boyfriend (called R). it was filled with firsts. I'm not going to get in to details, but we stayed up late, dodged curfew, snuck around and had a hell of a time.
I started to learn who I was, I read Stephen King and watched the x-files. I developed a deep love of cooking with R. we stayed in at his house and talked for hours, writing each other, drawing pictures, playing Mario Kart. in retrospect it was a beautiful young relationship. we flourished and we learned from each other. he drew from my unexpectedly traumatic childhood, just as I pulled from his perfect supporting family.
he had such a brilliant mind, and I felt as if he was drawn to me just because of my infinite sadness, and he allowed me to wear it with pride.. we both learned together and we both fucked up a lot. there is no grey area there. so after my freshman year in college (which was still a stage in adolescence for me). we were done. it was agreed and I put an end to the chapter.
chapter 3
started when I figured I wasn't rounded out enough for college yet and best friend M pushed the idea for me to go out on dates. I moved back home and felt like no sad soul would ever understand my Pokemon playing, Bjork obsessed chubby faced lifestyle. but then M pushed me into a phone call to ask boy A on a date. and that's where it started.
with A I continued to grow, but he need some help along the way. and as I taught him the proper way to cook asparagus, he taught me about a realm unknown to me. my mind was flooded and expanded with music, culture, and experiences I had never had.
I remember lying to him about ever having sushi and going to eat it with him for the first time. I sat in my plaid wool skirt, and honestly was freaking the fuck out, luckily, I liked it. he was never the wiser.
A and i travelled, we ended up re-enrolling in college together, moving in and creating our own life. with A we never had differentiating ideas, we always agreed and in most circumstances, and waited like a viper to strike anyone who had any ideas different from what we deemed as the answer. we fed off each and developed these larger than life egos on campus. we fucking rocked.
we threw a hell of a good party, and was mostly looked at as the southern ohio's trendsetters. the world was our fucking oyster, and we did anything we damn well pleased. but we busted our asses and taught each other so much, from midnight study sessions, to midnight movie previews, we did it all.
and as our college education came to a close, so did we. it was messier than what it was with R, but A didn't want the same things as me, and our relationship became volatile with extreme problems. the main issue was just the lifestyle i couldn't be keep up--the constant running, the friends, the booze, the nights out. my tank was slowly going to empty. so, i left.
chapter 4
then there came T, or as you know him as trin. T comes after college and at the beginning of my career. honestly, i left A for T because T was a man i knew i was instantly drawn to. he had a strange dark persona about him, but after a cup of coffee and a smoke together, i knew he was the one.
he had a kid, which freaked me out at first, but i quickly grew to love, and each day my heart painstakingly wanted more T in my life. I was an addict with T. the way he talked, the way he held me, but the biggest thing of all was that T had a different set of values and opinions from myself.
there was no more agreeing, there was debate and learning, and eye rolling. it was exhilarating to be able to use all my knowledge and get hit in the face by someone who has other knowledge to shoot down your claim. T and I didn't like all the same stuff, and he hated mushrooms (I KNOW, WTF?)
he loved starbucks, only wore black, and was possibly the most intense person i had ever met. shew, gives me goosebumps just thinking about the "getting to know you" period. he had this huge persona about being a badass, and inside he was the trin that i know and love, just covered up to hide from everyone else. (now he runs around in crab shorts and adidas flip flops)
he was rugged, and different from both R and A, and it was amazing. i wanted him. i had to have him.
so we moved to columbus and never looked back. i knew he was it for me. he was going to be there until the end.
i had grown through the help of my mother, R, M, and A-- now T was here, he was what i needed, and still convinced, even after baby making and the whole depression thing going on. T or trin is my opposite. he's the grounder to my loose wire. and dammit he can make a really good fucking curry.
i see T as always being there, and today he asked if it was time to start a new chapter, due to recent ongoings.
and i don't know.
do I need a new chapter?
A and i travelled, we ended up re-enrolling in college together, moving in and creating our own life. with A we never had differentiating ideas, we always agreed and in most circumstances, and waited like a viper to strike anyone who had any ideas different from what we deemed as the answer. we fed off each and developed these larger than life egos on campus. we fucking rocked.
we threw a hell of a good party, and was mostly looked at as the southern ohio's trendsetters. the world was our fucking oyster, and we did anything we damn well pleased. but we busted our asses and taught each other so much, from midnight study sessions, to midnight movie previews, we did it all.
and as our college education came to a close, so did we. it was messier than what it was with R, but A didn't want the same things as me, and our relationship became volatile with extreme problems. the main issue was just the lifestyle i couldn't be keep up--the constant running, the friends, the booze, the nights out. my tank was slowly going to empty. so, i left.
chapter 4
then there came T, or as you know him as trin. T comes after college and at the beginning of my career. honestly, i left A for T because T was a man i knew i was instantly drawn to. he had a strange dark persona about him, but after a cup of coffee and a smoke together, i knew he was the one.
he had a kid, which freaked me out at first, but i quickly grew to love, and each day my heart painstakingly wanted more T in my life. I was an addict with T. the way he talked, the way he held me, but the biggest thing of all was that T had a different set of values and opinions from myself.
there was no more agreeing, there was debate and learning, and eye rolling. it was exhilarating to be able to use all my knowledge and get hit in the face by someone who has other knowledge to shoot down your claim. T and I didn't like all the same stuff, and he hated mushrooms (I KNOW, WTF?)
he loved starbucks, only wore black, and was possibly the most intense person i had ever met. shew, gives me goosebumps just thinking about the "getting to know you" period. he had this huge persona about being a badass, and inside he was the trin that i know and love, just covered up to hide from everyone else. (now he runs around in crab shorts and adidas flip flops)
he was rugged, and different from both R and A, and it was amazing. i wanted him. i had to have him.
so we moved to columbus and never looked back. i knew he was it for me. he was going to be there until the end.
i had grown through the help of my mother, R, M, and A-- now T was here, he was what i needed, and still convinced, even after baby making and the whole depression thing going on. T or trin is my opposite. he's the grounder to my loose wire. and dammit he can make a really good fucking curry.
i see T as always being there, and today he asked if it was time to start a new chapter, due to recent ongoings.
and i don't know.
do I need a new chapter?
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